Creating Connections That Matter

[00:00:03] Welcome to the Quick Take Podcast, the show where you get targeted advice and coaching for executives by executives. I'm Susie Tomenchok.

[00:00:12] And I'm James Capps. Give us 15 minutes and we'll give you three secrets to address the complex topic of issues that are challenging executives like you today.

[00:00:23] Hey, welcome to Quick Take. I'm Susie along with James. How are you, James?

[00:00:27] I'm super good.

[00:00:28] Super good.

[00:00:30] Feeling good.

[00:00:30] Feeling good. All right. So I had a team session today. I had a whole two hours around networking.

[00:00:39] And it's so funny because we all have a different relationship with the word networking and what it means.

[00:00:44] And some of us automatically think, go to an event and meet new people. And it's so much more than that connection.

[00:00:53] And it was actually fascinating because we had a lot of different people in the cohort.

[00:00:59] We had women, men, older, younger. So it was a very interesting dialogue. And what it really comes to is connection.

[00:01:07] And what is your network and how are you investing in it?

[00:01:12] Yeah, I think that's exactly right. I often remind people that, you know, if you're going to do the networking, then do it actively.

[00:01:19] If I create powerful connections, I can network at the 7-Eleven up the street or at the Walmart down the road.

[00:01:26] But if you're going to create powerful connections, you're going to make it part of your career path.

[00:01:30] You're going to leverage that and hope it helps you grow as an individual.

[00:01:34] Then just like going to the gym, you should put effort into it and make it part of your daily routine and be proactive.

[00:01:40] And it's also having the intention around it and maybe even not reaching out to a certain individual.

[00:01:47] But if you ran into them or if you ended up being in a meeting and you got there early and that person was in front of you, a senior person.

[00:01:54] Right.

[00:01:55] What are you going to say?

[00:01:56] And having that at least context so that you don't feel like I don't know what to say.

[00:02:03] Like I've said some pretty embarrassing things in my time.

[00:02:05] I have a whole list of questions, things I could tell you.

[00:02:08] I know it'd be shocking.

[00:02:09] I have no idea.

[00:02:10] I can't imagine.

[00:02:11] I know.

[00:02:11] I don't think things through.

[00:02:12] It just comes out of my mouth first.

[00:02:14] I'll just say that.

[00:02:15] So it's having this intention about where you want connection.

[00:02:19] And in some instances, taking action.

[00:02:22] And others, it's just having a light toward those connecting places that you want to make.

[00:02:28] Oh, I totally agree.

[00:02:29] And I think that you really want to think it through.

[00:02:32] One of the things that I've done in my career is especially when I start off working with a new company or a new job, I like to do a value map that says, all right, this person, what is my relationship with them now and what do I want it to be?

[00:02:46] Yes.

[00:02:46] And where one is somebody that if I saw them in line at the copy shop, I may or may not say hi.

[00:02:52] Or if they said hi, I'd feel no room there.

[00:02:55] So I'm not remembering who they were.

[00:02:57] All the way down to the other end where I always joke, you know, if they call and said they had a dead body in their truck, I'd say, I've got a shovel.

[00:03:05] And I'd be there, no questions asked.

[00:03:07] And so there's the spectrum there of that relationship.

[00:03:10] And what I like to do is I like to map those folks out and say, where do I want them to be?

[00:03:15] And then put the energy in to get them to that place.

[00:03:18] You have often told me too, when you started a new organization, doing that evaluation at your first glance, but then re-reviewing that to see if you were correct.

[00:03:29] So great.

[00:03:30] About influence.

[00:03:30] I thought that was such a great one too.

[00:03:32] Yeah, that's the best part of that is the people that you think, oh my gosh, this is the number one person I need to spend a lot of time with.

[00:03:38] And then you retrospectively go, gosh, they're really unimportant and not worth my time.

[00:03:45] But more importantly, why did I think they were?

[00:03:48] And how did I miss that cue?

[00:03:51] And then vice versa, obviously, wow, I didn't even have these three people on my radar screen.

[00:03:56] How did I miss that?

[00:03:57] And so that structure, creating that framework, that really gives you the luxury of not only actively doing that, but also measuring your progress along the way.

[00:04:08] I would say one thing is I think one of the reasons that networking gets a bad rap is it's what can you do for me?

[00:04:15] But when you shift that mindset around, what can I do for others?

[00:04:19] And how can I ask?

[00:04:20] I always ask people, no matter what level they're at, if I feel junior to them, whatever, it feels like I always say, what can I do for you?

[00:04:29] How can I help you?

[00:04:30] And they shift.

[00:04:31] It makes them think about it.

[00:04:33] And I've actually had people who have said to me, I saw you were coming up on my calendar and I thought about what could you do for me?

[00:04:39] Because I knew you were going to ask.

[00:04:40] Yeah.

[00:04:41] And so that gives us abundance.

[00:04:43] That's so great.

[00:04:44] That you do that.

[00:04:44] And then they knew it was going to happen.

[00:04:47] So cool.

[00:04:47] That's good.

[00:04:48] Good for you.

[00:04:48] All right.

[00:04:49] So you're going to give us some tips.

[00:04:51] That first one is right there.

[00:04:52] You know, create that framework to measure and create the structure around that.

[00:04:58] I mean, like when you were doing that cohort, was that something that you coached that team to do?

[00:05:03] Or how did you talk about ensuring, you know, I know that you work with a lot of engineering and technology people.

[00:05:08] I mean, us engineers love that kind of structure.

[00:05:11] Is that something that you bring to the table in those conversations?

[00:05:14] I also work with salespeople and finance people.

[00:05:17] And I have this worksheet in an Excel spreadsheet, which is not using an Excel spreadsheet the way you need to.

[00:05:24] So I'm just going to say that now.

[00:05:25] And if anybody's listening and wants, well, all the people that are listening to this, if you would like to see that spreadsheet, reach out to us.

[00:05:33] Leave us a comment and we will send you the spreadsheet.

[00:05:36] How's that for a call to action?

[00:05:38] There we go.

[00:05:38] But what I like to do is challenge people to think of 50 people they need to network with.

[00:05:45] And if you spend the time thinking about that, and I have different categories of people that they need to consider, like who are the 10 people that you would call if you lost your job?

[00:05:56] Who are people who are ahead of you in your career?

[00:05:58] Who is people you respect in the company, outside the company?

[00:06:01] And so it gets you, if you spend the time and you, it really pulls you to think really broadly.

[00:06:08] And you might think of people from your past.

[00:06:10] You might think of people that you want to know in your future.

[00:06:13] We have a vast network.

[00:06:15] And I'm not saying you have to commit then to connecting with all these people.

[00:06:19] But it's interesting to go through that exercise just to see who comes up for you.

[00:06:25] I love that.

[00:06:26] And 50 is such a daunting number.

[00:06:28] It forces you to really look at it and take action.

[00:06:30] So yes, I love that idea of put it.

[00:06:33] You know, my first one is put a framework together, create a list of 50, make it structured, make it measurable.

[00:06:39] You know, we all like measurable goals.

[00:06:41] That's such a great advice.

[00:06:43] Now I'm kind of sidetracked on, you know, half my brain is trying to come up with 50 people.

[00:06:47] So my next two tips may not be great because I'm doing math on the other side of my brain.

[00:06:52] But the second item that I would recommend doing is creating a connection ritual.

[00:06:57] I think that when you can be consistent in the way that you do this, you're that much stronger and you're that much better off.

[00:07:03] But the second one is that creating that ritual.

[00:07:05] So you are more comfortable.

[00:07:08] And things like coffee chat with James, cocktail with James, lunch with James, whatever.

[00:07:14] And just so you're always having that.

[00:07:16] You know, I read a really interesting study that actually LinkedIn created this formal thing called connection over coffee.

[00:07:24] And it was this, actually they used a matching algorithm to get people to match with people that they wouldn't normally match with.

[00:07:29] And they had an 89% participation rate.

[00:07:33] And they said that it led to 155% increase in collaboration.

[00:07:37] Wow.

[00:07:38] So they created this ritual.

[00:07:40] Now, in their case, they used AI because of course they did.

[00:07:43] And it was kind of a blind date, if you will.

[00:07:46] But I still think that if you can be consistent in that and have a method to your madness, you'll be that much more successful.

[00:07:54] Yeah.

[00:07:55] Okay.

[00:07:55] So I'm also going to like double click on this.

[00:07:57] Yes.

[00:07:58] Also, don't get overwhelmed by this.

[00:08:01] Find a ritual that works for you, whether it is on LinkedIn, that's fine.

[00:08:04] Don't, I would say, do that and.

[00:08:07] And a couple other ones that I thought are really interesting, going in your email box and putting like a letter.

[00:08:12] And it brings up all the people, you know, put an M.

[00:08:16] Oh, Maria.

[00:08:17] I love it.

[00:08:18] It's a roulette, you know.

[00:08:20] Roulette.

[00:08:21] Yeah, connection roulette.

[00:08:22] Making a, to your point, every week for 15 minutes on X day, I'm going to connect with three people.

[00:08:29] I'm going to play roulette.

[00:08:31] I'm going to go through my texts and go all the way to the bottom.

[00:08:34] And I'm going to consider somebody from my past and send them an HBR article.

[00:08:39] Send them just a, hey, I was thinking about you.

[00:08:41] It doesn't have to be complicated.

[00:08:42] They love that.

[00:08:43] Just connect.

[00:08:44] Yeah.

[00:08:44] I think that's exactly right.

[00:08:45] Just putting some structure around it makes it that much easier for you.

[00:08:49] That ritual.

[00:08:50] I love, I love sending out HBR articles.

[00:08:52] That's the Harvard Business Review or anything.

[00:08:55] You know, there's a dozen things that I read on a daily basis that, that, that was not a humble brag by any stretch.

[00:09:01] It's just, it came up.

[00:09:02] But, you know, find something that you know would be interesting for somebody.

[00:09:05] Send it their way and think no more of it because that's how you not only maintain that connection, but make it a powerful connection.

[00:09:12] Absolutely.

[00:09:12] And by the way, you could send it to more than one person in different emails.

[00:09:16] Send them, I know.

[00:09:17] Send the whole thing.

[00:09:18] That's exactly right.

[00:09:19] Exactly right.

[00:09:19] So it's like making that, and think about how that feels on the other side.

[00:09:23] Wow.

[00:09:23] James thought about this article and you thought of me because I'm a good leader or whatever it is.

[00:09:28] You've just invested in them.

[00:09:30] That's right.

[00:09:30] And you remind them that, that they are important to you and you're important to them.

[00:09:33] You know, it's no different than what you were saying, which is how can I help you?

[00:09:37] You know, that that's, that's something that's really great.

[00:09:40] So what's your third tip?

[00:09:41] You know, the third tip I think is start to map where your connections are.

[00:09:47] Actually, you, you mentioned something earlier about groups that, that you worked with and

[00:09:51] that, that they will actually thought about their, the maps of their connections.

[00:09:56] And I think that that, that idea that, and I want you to dig into that further and explain

[00:10:01] it is such a really cool way for you to, to create deeper connections.

[00:10:05] It's almost like having a pre-filled out form of saying, Hey, these are my people in this

[00:10:10] space.

[00:10:11] And, and it really, again, will help you create deeper connections.

[00:10:14] Can you expand on that?

[00:10:16] That value network?

[00:10:17] Well, just think about, so we had a cohort of professionals and I put them in breakout rooms

[00:10:22] and just think about people talking about networking grows that idea.

[00:10:26] And that, you know, you get different people and getting connections there.

[00:10:31] But when people came back, it was interesting.

[00:10:33] There was a group of, it was men and women in, in just by happenstance.

[00:10:38] And the men were like, said, I don't network at all.

[00:10:42] And one of the groups of women were like naming off all the different groups that they're in

[00:10:47] and the ones they need to be and how they network.

[00:10:51] Oh, so interesting.

[00:10:52] Like, so it's, yeah.

[00:10:53] It's all how you define it.

[00:10:55] And it's, it's looking at the pools of places where you could make a connection beyond.

[00:11:00] We all, we all think we need to connect with people that are closest to us, but you need

[00:11:06] to think beyond your area of the business.

[00:11:09] You need to think up and out and also other companies, because even if you're not looking

[00:11:14] for a job, sometimes when you're feeling insecure or there's been a lot of changes and

[00:11:18] layoffs, the more people you have outside, the more you feel confident that you have some

[00:11:23] opportunities or options or resources that you can use.

[00:11:27] So expanding that view by having this conversation is what, what was really the aha for me.

[00:11:32] No, I love that.

[00:11:33] That, that networking pool is how I'm mentally seeing it.

[00:11:36] As you described, it is, it's, it is daunting to go.

[00:11:39] I need all these people, but gosh, if you just came up with three pools, you know, I just,

[00:11:44] I need people in manufacturing and I need some people that are, are in the volunteer space.

[00:11:49] I need people in nonprofit that, that, you know, it's how do you eat an elephant one bite

[00:11:53] at a time as they always say and breaking it down into those network pools really changes

[00:11:58] the perspective.

[00:11:59] I love that.

[00:12:00] One bonus thing is, especially when you're networking within your own company with leaders,

[00:12:06] ask them who they think you should know.

[00:12:09] Oh, that's always a bonus.

[00:12:10] And if they make an introduction for you, that is like three steps into the relationship

[00:12:15] and that's so powerful.

[00:12:17] Why not?

[00:12:18] Who do you think, James, I should know in your network?

[00:12:21] Will you introduce me to them?

[00:12:22] I think that's really good.

[00:12:24] And you're, and boy, what a, what an easy way for you to get basically a door opened,

[00:12:29] you know, those types of warm connections are always so much more powerful.

[00:12:33] So yeah, I love that.

[00:12:34] You know, that's two, two really zingers there for, from Susie, you know, how can I tell people

[00:12:40] or ask people, how can I help you?

[00:12:41] And then on the backside of that, you know, who, who do you think I should know?

[00:12:45] Great questions to ask when you're creating powerful connections.

[00:12:49] Yeah.

[00:12:49] This just came naturally to me, you know, I was in sales.

[00:12:51] So I didn't realize not everybody did this.

[00:12:54] Non-stop.

[00:12:55] All right.

[00:12:56] What are the three tips, James?

[00:12:57] You know, first one is build that value network, kind of map it out.

[00:13:00] Think about how you want it to look.

[00:13:02] Secondly, create those connection rituals.

[00:13:05] Find a way for you to consistently and regularly connect.

[00:13:08] You know, I love the LinkedIn roulette.

[00:13:10] You can be your address book roulette, whatever.

[00:13:13] Find that ritual that forces you to do the outreach.

[00:13:15] And then think about the, the, the networking pools, map out the groups and the organizations

[00:13:21] that you should be reaching out to, to ensure that you're being, you know, diverse.

[00:13:25] You're not stuck in one industry, one people, one ecosystem.

[00:13:28] Make sure you're, you're dipping your toe into a lot of pools.

[00:13:31] Just take some kind of action and do it regularly.

[00:13:35] Yep.

[00:13:35] Yep.

[00:13:36] Such good advice.

[00:13:37] Thanks, James.

[00:13:37] Great.

[00:13:38] Thank you.

[00:13:40] Hey, Susie, I have a question for you.

[00:13:41] Why is Morgan your favorite daughter?

[00:13:44] She's my favorite daughter because she just gives me so much love and support and she admires

[00:13:54] everything I do.

[00:13:55] She's constantly telling me what, not only a great mom, but how much respect for her that

[00:14:01] she has for me professionally.

[00:14:03] She is just overall my favorite daughter.

[00:14:06] She has been from the very beginning and she continues to be and will forevermore.

[00:14:12] And I'm, and I'm very comfortable knowing that your daughters do not listen to our podcast.

[00:14:16] Oh, that's awesome.

[00:14:19] Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Quick Take, where we talk about the questions

[00:14:24] that are on the minds of executives everywhere.

[00:14:26] Connect with us and share what's on your mind.

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[00:14:34] All the links you really need are in the show notes.